Fighting the Funk

Okay, so I'm a little depressed.  Not like major in my feelings or suicidal or anything crazy like that.  Okay, so maybe it's more just "lonely" and not really "depressed", but being lonely kinda makes me depressed so...I'm kinda fighting the funk right now.

So at group last night, we shared what we thought were some of our traits that others considered to be likable and unlikable.  Not an easy thing to do if you're honest with yourself.  I thought that some of my more likable traits were that I was loyal and dedicated to people.  Unlikable is that I hold people up to my own set of standards and get all up in my feelings when they are not met.  Thinking about it, even my "likable" traits could come off as being unlikable to people.  Maybe I spend too much time trying to be a good person or good friend and it pushes people away?  Or maybe I try to help too much or just get annoying by constantly wanting to talk.

Case in point.  This week I pissed a friend off because I was holding them to a standard that I had set for them and then I got all up in my feelings when it wasn't met.  I have a hard time remembering that not everyone holds my views and standards as their own.  I'm the type of person that if I say I'm going to do something for you, I'm going to do it, even if I have to go out of my way to get it done.  Other people say things with good intentions but don't feel that it is as important to follow through with it.

I mean, I could argue how I'm right and other people are wrong, but that's not the point I'm trying to get at.  We are all right.  My views, beliefs and standards are my own, and I can't force them on someone else.  Other people's beliefs, views and standards are THEIR own and they can't force them on others.  We all have to find a way to get along, to compromise, and to UNDERSTAND each other.  I'm trying very hard to be that guy who understands and to dial my own OCD tendencies down a few notches.

So that's sort of why I'm in a funk.  My friendship was completely altered because I felt like this person just didn't care about it enough when in all reality, that probably wasn't the case.  I've needed to space though I think.  As much as I need people to lean on, I'm also someone that needs space too...it's a messed up balancing act and I'm really trying to do better.  At least I'm aware that I'm a colossal ass and I'm trying to make changes so I don't lose everyone that I care about.

Thanks for listening to me cry...Later Days!