Surprised? Well, you shouldn't be. I have not been happy for some time now...well, many years that is. I've had my moments of happiness. Short, wonderful bursts that crash into my heart and overwhelm me with love and contentment. But those were temporary, like everything in this world is. Those moments were quickly replaced with pain and hurt. Shattered, sadly, by the ones that were the source of that fleeting happiness.
I'm coming up on a big anniversary...in exactly 16 days. The feelings I have are mixed. Everyone that knows what that day means will expect me to be, and encourage me to be, happy. But some days, most days, I feel worse than I did a year ago. I want to be happy so that everyone else will be happy that I'm happy. Wait...Who's on first?
As this day approaches, I know that I won't be anywhere close to happy. There were a few days last week where I almost gave up...gave up on everything. And I did give up, threw a year's worth of battles and struggles out the window...fell off the wagon, in a sense. I want to blame the people who were suppose to be there for me, to help me make good decisions. I could fuss and say, "You weren't there when I needed you the most..." But hey, I know those are just excuses. Who can you REALLY count on in this world?
Work is a huge source of misery for me. There are more people there that I don't talk to or can't talk to than there are ones that I do talk to. When you dread driving in to work everyday, it's time for a change. So I'm making the change. I start on-line classes soon to get a certification I need to get a job I was offered. I also started a little business, which I know has the potential to produce some extra income as long as I put the work into it. I'm super excited about it too...it's been fun getting back into some web design and has given me some hope about being happy again.
I know this post has been kind of...well, it's a downer. It has been a hard month and I'm really sorry about not posting. No promises, but I'll try to keep this up a little better. I'm going to be busy getting this site on-line, getting the social media finished up on it and launching it live in the next week. Plus some college courses thrown in the mix, which won't be hard (I already know the material) it will just eat up a chunk of my every scarce free time. Just...work with me.
Oh, and here is a pic from Selfie Sunday that I posted on Facebook. No, that's not an invitation to send me a friend request :-P
I'm coming up on a big anniversary...in exactly 16 days. The feelings I have are mixed. Everyone that knows what that day means will expect me to be, and encourage me to be, happy. But some days, most days, I feel worse than I did a year ago. I want to be happy so that everyone else will be happy that I'm happy. Wait...Who's on first?
As this day approaches, I know that I won't be anywhere close to happy. There were a few days last week where I almost gave up...gave up on everything. And I did give up, threw a year's worth of battles and struggles out the window...fell off the wagon, in a sense. I want to blame the people who were suppose to be there for me, to help me make good decisions. I could fuss and say, "You weren't there when I needed you the most..." But hey, I know those are just excuses. Who can you REALLY count on in this world?
Work is a huge source of misery for me. There are more people there that I don't talk to or can't talk to than there are ones that I do talk to. When you dread driving in to work everyday, it's time for a change. So I'm making the change. I start on-line classes soon to get a certification I need to get a job I was offered. I also started a little business, which I know has the potential to produce some extra income as long as I put the work into it. I'm super excited about it too...it's been fun getting back into some web design and has given me some hope about being happy again.
I know this post has been kind of...well, it's a downer. It has been a hard month and I'm really sorry about not posting. No promises, but I'll try to keep this up a little better. I'm going to be busy getting this site on-line, getting the social media finished up on it and launching it live in the next week. Plus some college courses thrown in the mix, which won't be hard (I already know the material) it will just eat up a chunk of my every scarce free time. Just...work with me.
Oh, and here is a pic from Selfie Sunday that I posted on Facebook. No, that's not an invitation to send me a friend request :-P
 |
| Some days you feel like a pirate... |
Comments
Post a Comment
Thanks for your comments (unless it was a mean comment...in that case, you're a meanie)...