Go Boom!

*Stands from plastic fold-out chair*
*Clears throat nervously*
*Fidgets with hands while staring at feet*

Hello, my name is Dan, and I'm a pyromaniac.  Whew, there, I said it.  Boy, I really do feel better now.  A lot better...like, so much better that I really want to go blow something up!

This is my first Independence Day that I've gotten to celebrate in ten years.  My luck, I'll probably have to work that night.  I'm usually off on Tuesdays so there is a slight chance that I will not have to work.  Anyways, I did like any normal American male would do...I stopped by one of those big white tents and purchased some cardboard tubes filled with pretty colored gun powder.

See that look on my face?  That's the look of pure joy.  Honestly, the tent I got the fireworks from was a non-profit who was selling the fireworks as a fund raiser.  Oh, and I was literally their first sale, so that was awesome.  Not only did I get to purchase explosives, I got to help a good cause.

So here's a story.  When I was in middle school, I went on this 4-H trip...I can't remember where.  The important part is, that we stopped at this little hole in the wall gas station and while I was inside, I found a bag of bottle rockets for sale.  I didn't know it, but those are illegal to sell or possess in NC.  Well, of course I bought them and hid them away from our chaperons...and my parents too.

So one night while I was home, I decided that I wanted to play with my bottle rockets.  I knew that I just couldn't take them out back and shoot them off...that would tip off my parents.  Then this thought struck me, "Hey, I wonder if I can light the fuse and put it out before it goes off."  Yeah, bright idea number one.  So I grab a lighter from my dresser (I had like five of them in there...I told you, little pyro) and light the fuse.  I quickly found out that real fuses do not take as long to burn as the ones in a Road Runner cartoon.  As soon as I realized that I was not going to get this fuse to stop, I threw the bottle rocket down onto the floor.  That was bright idea number two.  I ran for it and just as I got out of my room, the bottle rocket sets off across my floor, plowing right into my school work and goes KABLOOIE!  There was smoke everywhere and a giant black burnt streak accenting my carpet.

What's funny is, when my mom asked me what the smell was, I told her that I lit a candle.  She didn't buy that line for a second.  My contraband was confiscated, not only the bottle rockets but my lighters too and some smoke bombs, and I was grounded for a little while.  Thankfully I didn't catch anything on fire.