As you can see, I had my hater blockers on today. They sure do come in handy at work. I'm not able to wear them all the time and I can't have both buds in my ears. When I work prep in the mornings, they are a necessity. It's sad when you feel like there is so much hate and negativity around you that you have to literally have something to block it out.
Case in point, a waitress at work today decided that I offended her to the point that she had to talk shit to me. This chick isn't even on my radar, she barely exists to me and I don't talk to her. So why did she tell me to shut up when I was not even speaking to her? Why tell me, "Why are you up here, go back to the back."? You have no reason to be mean to me, let alone to even strike up a conversation of any kind with me.
What, I guess it's just kidding around? Is that what we use now as a blanket excuse for being shitty to each other? I looked at her, put in my other ear bud and ignored her. Maybe that annoyed her, maybe not. I can't say that I care either way. I was jamming out today, just lost in my own little world where no one was trying to hurt me. I was happy and maybe that's why people spit hate. Because they are so miserable with themselves that they hate to see anyone else happy, that they have to make everyone else around them miserable.
Music has always been a safety net for me. My music selection is very personal because it means something to me. It burns me up when someone wants to criticize what type of music someone else enjoys. Yea, I'm a sentimental guy. Yea, I'm easily hurt and offended. I do my best to treat people how I would want to be treated. And yea, I know that sometimes I fail at that. Music is my escape, it pulls my emotions out and helps me to deal with them. As a kid, I was a very angry person and music helped me to channel that. I get lonely, there's a play list for that. I get depressed and suicidal...yep, a play list for that too.
So, when I put my music on, it's because I need to block out what's going on around me and really get down to dealing with what I'm going through. I don't need other people trying to drag me down, so...insert hater blockers. I've found other's to be very unreliable at helping build me up and keep me up...but my music has never let me down. Neither has Bell, who is always waiting for me at the door when I get in from work to lick my face.
Words are powerful weapons to wield. They can build and they can destroy. We all need to choose to use our words to build. Sometimes I wield words and I end up with a wake of destruction behind me and I hate myself for it. Can destruction be so easily mended with just a few words? Maybe it can, with time. I used words yesterday that ended up hurting someone, but I felt those words needed to be said. That doesn't mean I was right to use them and today, I can't think of any words worthy enough to fix what I broke. I don't know that they even want to hear any more words from me.
I need to take a nap before I go back to work later tonight. Later Days!
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