Why this week? Why do I have to fight all of this right now? I don't want to be strong any more, I don't want to keep putting this mask on to masquerade through life.
Today I had to talk about something I didn't want to talk about to someone that I didn't want to talk to. Another mask, pretending like it didn't bother me and that everything is "ok". Well, guess what, I don't have the answers you want and you don't have the answers I need.
Then I get this from Alex:
I'm not sure what it means, but it seems like the surgery that Hunter had last week didn't do what they were hoping it would and he is back in the hospital. He doesn't deserve this...another battle.
I went to a banquet tonight with dad that was for honoring veterans. I sat at a table with a man who joined the Army in 1943. He fought in World War II and Korea and made over 100 jumps in his 23 year career. He knows battle. Sure makes your life seem insignificant. Dad wanted me to stand when they played the Air Force song but come on...I was kicked out before I could ever see active duty. I'm not a veteran, I'm a screw up. I didn't serve 23 years, didn't jump out of a plane in two major wars. I just disappointed everyone.
All of this hit me as I'm sitting here writing a letter to a friend in prison. A song comes on from my computer and it sparks a memory. Sure enough, it was what I thought it was. Something I didn't even know I had any more. I was given six recordings from a kid I worked with in 2005 of cover songs he and his friend did in their bedroom. He should be 24 years old by now and I wonder if he still plays the guitar. It just brought back a flood of memories and for a minute, I had to battle back tears. I know, men are not suppose to get emotional and if we do, we are not suppose to tell anyone. But tonight, for the first time in a very long time...I want to stop fighting this battle.
Today I had to talk about something I didn't want to talk about to someone that I didn't want to talk to. Another mask, pretending like it didn't bother me and that everything is "ok". Well, guess what, I don't have the answers you want and you don't have the answers I need.
Then I get this from Alex:
I'm not sure what it means, but it seems like the surgery that Hunter had last week didn't do what they were hoping it would and he is back in the hospital. He doesn't deserve this...another battle.
I went to a banquet tonight with dad that was for honoring veterans. I sat at a table with a man who joined the Army in 1943. He fought in World War II and Korea and made over 100 jumps in his 23 year career. He knows battle. Sure makes your life seem insignificant. Dad wanted me to stand when they played the Air Force song but come on...I was kicked out before I could ever see active duty. I'm not a veteran, I'm a screw up. I didn't serve 23 years, didn't jump out of a plane in two major wars. I just disappointed everyone.All of this hit me as I'm sitting here writing a letter to a friend in prison. A song comes on from my computer and it sparks a memory. Sure enough, it was what I thought it was. Something I didn't even know I had any more. I was given six recordings from a kid I worked with in 2005 of cover songs he and his friend did in their bedroom. He should be 24 years old by now and I wonder if he still plays the guitar. It just brought back a flood of memories and for a minute, I had to battle back tears. I know, men are not suppose to get emotional and if we do, we are not suppose to tell anyone. But tonight, for the first time in a very long time...I want to stop fighting this battle.
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